Most of us have heard the phrase “bite the bullet” so many times that it barely registers anymore.

But the original meaning is intense.

During the American Civil War, soldiers literally bit down on bullets during surgery because anesthesia didn’t exist yet. The bullet didn’t heal them. It didn’t stop the pain. It simply helped them survive the moment.

That’s what “biting the bullet” really means. Distracting yourself. Bracing yourself. Forcing yourself through something that feels unbearable.

Sometimes we do that out of necessity.
Sometimes out of habit.
Sometimes because we don’t know another way.

But surviving a moment is not the same thing as healing from it.

WHEN SURVIVAL ISN’T ENOUGH

We’ve both lived through moments where biting the bullet got us through the hour, but couldn’t carry us through the days that followed.

Joyce remembers a night when she got very sick while Joe was in Saudi Arabia and she was still in the States. She was scared and alone, trying to hold everything together. She told herself to push through until morning. To just bite the bullet.

Then, at 2:30 AM, close friends showed up at the door without being asked. They walked into the dark with her.

Joe remembers sitting with a friend who had just lost his son unexpectedly. There was nothing to fix and no distraction strong enough to touch that kind of pain. His friend simply asked, “Can you stay?” So he did. They sat in silence. Later, his friend thanked him for being there.

Presence did something the bullet never could.

Presence doesn’t numb you. It holds you.
It doesn’t silence you. It steadies you.
It doesn’t make you rigid. It softens the blow.

Presence did something the bullet never could.

Presence doesn’t numb you. It holds you.
It doesn’t silence you. It steadies you.
It doesn’t make you rigid. It softens the blow.

WHEN SUPPORT FINDS US

For some people, moments like these reconnect them to hope or meaning, a sense that they aren’t carrying life alone. For others, support looks like trusted friends, grounding practices, or small rituals that help them stay steady when everything feels overwhelming.

And when the pain is emotional, getting help from a counselor or therapist is just as important as seeing a doctor for a physical wound. Mental health support isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.

Joyce has spent many hours in a counselor’s office. Those conversations helped her untangle trauma and thought patterns she couldn’t see on her own. She remembers one counselor gently telling her, “You’re letting the negative voices dominate your mind.”

It was painful to hear. But it was true.

Over time, with practice, honest friendship, and steady habits, she learned to shift toward what was life-giving. Counseling became an anchor in her healing, not because it fixed everything at once, but because it gave her support through the process.

THE REAL INVITATION

Maybe the real invitation of this phrase isn’t “tough it out forever.”

Maybe it’s this:

There are moments when survival is necessary.
But you were never meant to live there.

There is a time to bite the bullet.
And there is also a time to heal.

TALK ABOUT IT

Thoughtful questions for your group chat, your next shared meal, or a night out with a friend.

1. When have you realized you were surviving instead of healing?
   

2. Who has shown up for you with presence rather than solutions?
   

3. What makes asking for help feel hard for you?
   

THINK ABOUT IT

Prompts for journaling, deeper reflection, or a quiet evening alone.

1. Where in your life are you “biting the bullet” just to get through?
   

2. What pain might be asking for care instead of endurance?
   

3. What kind of support would feel grounding right now?